Your Closest Friends Are A Mirror
Ladies, we want to be women who love God, live authentically, and remain confident. But the company we keep can either help or hinder our confidence levels. So it's time to talk about the people who are close to us.
Some of us stay loyal to people simply because we've known them all our lives, or for a long time. It's time to re-define the parameters of your loyalty.
I want you to take a good look at your closest friends. I'm not asking you to sit in the judgment seat — I'm asking you to examine who your closest friends are, because it says a lot about you.
Proverbs 13:20 — "He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed."
The people I walk closely with impact me, positively or negatively. So I want to challenge you to examine yourself first, and focus on strengthening the image you have of yourself.
You attract who you are.
You may be thinking that can't be true. But:
Proverbs 23:7 — "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he."
As you think in your heart, so are your friends. Your closest friends reflect your life's priorities and values — they tell a lot about who you are.
This connects to the Law of Attraction: the principle that we attract into our lives whatever we focus on, as a result of the energy exchanged in that process. For example, a person with low self-esteem may unconsciously attract others with low self-esteem, because they're looking for people who mirror their insecurities.
Amos 3:3 — "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"
Our thoughts, intentions, motivations, and aspirations — whether secretly pondered, openly declared, or formally written as goals — mold and shape our personal universe into something either grand and beautiful, or base and hideous.
Ask yourself:
Do my close friends add value to my life, or subtract from it?
When I'm succeeding in an area, do my close friends celebrate me?
Are my close friends people of action, or do they just talk? If you're goal-oriented and get things done, it will frustrate you to stay close to people who aren't purpose- and vision-driven.
Are any of my close friends toxic?
Signs of a toxic friendship:
Frequent conflict
Unreliability — it only works when it works for them
Talking about others behind their backs (which means they're doing it to you too)
Manipulation — emotional blackmail, guilt trips, or deceit used to influence your decisions for their benefit, at the expense of your wellbeing
A one-way street — a lot of take, very little give
Negativity — always seeing the glass half empty
Operating from unhealed wounds, without taking ownership — it's always someone else's fault
If you're realizing that your choice of close friends is a direct reflection of who you are, deal with yourself first. Let God's Word change how you see yourself and define who you are.
If a relationship is toxic, it's best to back away, receive healing, and move on. A lot of people hold onto relationships simply because "we've been friends for so many years" — but what return have you gotten on that investment? You don't owe anyone your presence in a toxic relationship, and you don't owe it to anyone to stay because you feel like you need to rescue them.
Rescue yourself first. And know that you cannot rescue people who don't want to be rescued.
Your closest friends are a mirror. If they don't compel you or challenge you to grow in your relationship with God — first and foremost — they aren't good friends, and they don't embrace the priorities God desires for you.
You will increase or decrease by your associations. Your associations determine your destiny, and the rate at which you accelerate in life. If you want to change who you associate with, it starts with yourself.
If the people you hang around are all people you're rescuing — sister, God wants more for you. It's worth being concerned if every one of your closest friends needs rescuing. That says something about you, too.
Before you enter into new relationships, get yourself together. Let God heal you and grow you. And while you're in that healing process, align yourself with solid, healthy people who will help you grow.
Surround yourself with people you can always learn something from. Work with people who are better at their craft than you are. Be strategic about who you associate with — stop letting people fall into your lap and assuming it's God.
Don't fall into the mindset of "I can do bad all by myself, I don't need close friends." That mindset doesn't trust God.
If you hang with chickens, you are going to cluck. If you hang with eagles, you are going to fly.
You cannot change the people around you, but you can change the people you are around.
